The Trauma That Comes With Discovery

Many times, in life, we have to have those uncomfortable conversations, this perhaps could be one of them. Growing up, I’ve always heard “Mama’s baby, Daddy’s Maybe”, as an adult, I really took heed to that saying. To be honest it’s true in many cases, yet and still, it’s low-key disturbing.

The more and more I get into research, I realize that EVERY family has the SAME story somewhere, somehow, in some sort of fashion.

There is always:

• Rape
• Incest (Close or Distant)
• Adoption Stories
• Intermarrying
• A young mother
• A missing Daddy (Father or Grandfather)
• Molestation within the Family members
• A Secret Baby (Or a Few)

These are the MOST common that I deal with and aid friends or family members with processing or “healing” through.

The most recent “case” (as I call it), that the world has witnessed was Kirk Franklin finding his biological father. I have SOOO many emotions, comments, concerns, and opinions about that. I’m pretty sure most of them could be deemed “unfavorable”. ***Again, MY opinion***

So, let’s Unpack……first of all, when a person wants to find their family, living relatives, fathers, mothers, and so forth, because of advanced technology this type of discovery has been made easier for the average Joe Blow like you and I. Granted this statement can be argued, debunked, or challenged. The reason being, there are ALWAYS loopholes and unprecedented matters. For example, Adoptions, all adoptions are not open therefore, finding the Bio-parents aren’t always easy, especially if the bio-parents have not done any of the DNA testing sites. Or the same with Absent fathers, if the Absent father happens to be a “Secret Baby” (as I call it…..meaning that the father was never aware of their existence OR the father never told the family of the baby’s existence.) Secret babies are often difficult to locate for various reasons.

So back to Kirk, in my Humble opinion, also coming from a Marketing Major, his finding of his father was DEFINITELY staged. Granted, finding the father part could have been real for the most part, HOWEVER, he’s a celebrity, he did NOT have to wait 53 years before finding his father, he had means and reach. Granted, for the majority of the years, he did assume that another man was his bio father which would have added to the waiting years to get to the truth……also hurt, shame, and sacredness would add to this, so I will NOT negate this. Yes, in real life, I DO have compassion about these situations, I deal with them quite frequently.

Kirk Franklin with Bio Father

Mysteriously Kirk did the DNA right at the time that his album was about to get released. At the end of the video, it states the album release date. To me, well played…….*Clap, Clap, Clap*. No grown man (His bio-father) is just gonna offer up his DNA based on a “rumor”. The doctor calls back and says “It’s a match”, that’s cool, but HOW did the Doctor know WHERE his father submitted his DNA to if it wasn’t “Staged”??? I’m sorry, I got questions…….there is WAAYY too many holes in this story to a trained eye. Granted, if y’all don’t know WHAT you’re looking at and which things to look for, YES, it’s a “Great, Touching, Story”. I know that his story moved many people into looking for their families and finding their father.

Which at the end of the day is ALWAYS a great thing. Staged or Un-staged. I am a SERIOUS advocate for people finding parents and relatives, not only for health reasons but mental reasons as well. As people, we tend to carry the traumas of our childhood from place to place. Believe you me, that IF you don’t find a healthy outlet or talk about it and unpack it, it WILL manifest itself Somewhere in some form of your life.

No spoiler alerts, but when Kirk’s mother said the DNA was wrong TWICE, that part triggered me. So recently (This year 2023), I had an Aunt that did the same to me. So once upon a time I told y’all that “Ancestry is the BEST Soap Opera you will EVER watch”, I meant that!

Kirk Franklin’s Mother

So back in 2018 when I first got my Ancestry DNA results back, I reached out to my paternal 1^st cousin and said “Hey, I see you did the DNA, you should also be a match to my husband when he gets his back” (we share common cousins, My aunt had a baby with my husband’s uncle). A week later, she never shows up in my Husband’s DNA list…..RED FLAG!!!!!

Here I am grilling my husband like “Is that your REAL Uncle? Was HE adopted? You SURE y’all related?!!!” LMAO!!! When I tell you, I was going IN on him, I was…..LOL!!! I asked all these questions because his Uncle is supposed to be the father of my cousin. Of course, she was a match to me because her mother is my half-Aunt. So, I go back to her and was like, “I’m super confused, you didn’t match my husband” She in return sends me a screenshot of this girl A.P. sent her a message saying that you are my mother’s niece……..She says to me “WHO is A.P.?!” I’m like I have no clue.

So basically, minding my own business, lol…..I reach out to A.P. to try to get to the bottom of this. ****Side Note, my cousin is young and doesn’t ask too many questions, she never knew that our parents DON’T have the same fathers, so she figured that this girl A.P. is a relative of mine also****

After a 4-hour phone conversation and photo sharing, we come to the conclusion that this cousin of mine has a WHOLE different daddy than the said father. Remind you, she has taken this other man’s last name and all…..(the story of many of our lives, I know it’s MY story…). I HATE having the “This man Ain’t Yo Daddy” conversations, but it seems like I’m ALWAYS the one to blame because of a dishonest parent. Go figure.

The problem with parents who lie to their children about who they daddy REALLY is, is that 8 out 10 times, they are just doing what has been done to them. They believe a child can survive without a Daddy because they did and they turned out “just fine”.

Two YEARS later, I have this reluctant conversation with my cousin and basically tell her Hey that dude ain’t yo daddy and this other man is, that’s why your DNA matched that other family. She had SOO many questions and because I’m not set up to lie, I gave it to her straight. She had her brother call and “check” me, which is fine…..I’m used to it…..HER mother LIES to HER and I AM the one blamed for it! Make it make sense!!! Needless to say, she unfriended me on Facebook and her brother quit talking to me. Again, all of this is fine. I’m wholeheartedly used to it. You would think that the initial reaction may be upset, but at the end of the day I, Kamiasha, told you the TRUTH when your closest relatives only told you LIES!!! Hey you gotta be mad at SOMEONE, right?!

So back to Kirk’s mother in blatant denial of Facts and Truth. Here comes the Parallelism.

So, my Aunt, my cousin’s mother, and I are having a heart-to-heart conversation on Monday, December 12, 2022. I am in the middle of explaining to her about my genealogy passion and my search to find my Paternal Grandfather. I tell her that “I’m not sure WHY God has chosen me of ALL people to care about family and do what I do…..” We get off into other family topics and she began to speak of her children (she hasn’t spoken to her kids, my cousins in about six years because of whatever they had going on).

I causally say, oh yeah, I haven’t spoken to your daughter either…then I hurry to another topic….My Aunt comes back and says….”Why don’t you talk to her?”, remind you I’m not set up to lie, so I honestly prefer for people not corner me where I HAVE to tell a truth that I don’t want to get in to.

It comes out like word vomit AFTER I ignore the question 3 more times. I basically tell her that her kid was looking for her father, we did the DNA and this is what it says…..She says “If He ain’t her daddy, I don’t know WHO IS?!! You can’t tell me where my P***Y has been!! WHO are you to judge me?! I have never slept with a man Named HIM or His Nickname!!!!” I explained to her this is Science; I did not pull this man’s name out of a hat.

***Side Note, she dated this “new baby daddy” for quite some time*** She told me science was WRONG! They need to do that Test again!! LMAO!!!! (Those are my Absolute FAVORITE lines when they say “Science is Wrong”) She hangs up, calls me 4 more times and 6 VERY long text messages to tell me that Science is wrong and I can’t judge her, I assure her that ONLY God can judge that’s NOT my place, she then goes on to say “I don’t know WHO my daddy is and that’s ok”……….

“For you to tell me what you did felt wrong and Evil you know my relationship with the 2 older kids so maybe you shouldn’t have told me God wouldn’t have put you here to hurt people while you seek the truth God bring peace not judgment he forgive not bring up your past mistakes so we don’t serve the same God what you should have told my daughter is your mother did give you a better life then some people with 2 parents that she always had a house and car never lived in a apartment or rode the bus instead you fed into the devil lie neither of you have the right to tell me who I slept with but what don’t kill you will make you stronger why would I lie and raise kids by myself doesn’t add up its always your family trying to hurt you and bring you down when a person shows me who they are the first time its enough for me if that’s what you call love I don’t need it”

Totally random, but that speaks to the hurt and trauma she has harbored ALL these years. This has NOTHING to do with me. I didn’t lie to her kid all these years. I’m JUST the messenger, don’t shoot me. 2 o’clock in the morning that night, she texts me to say:

“Well I had to pray over it again I don’t think God would have you judge people and tear their life apart and for that reason I ask that you never contact me again I know test can be wrong but I only answer to God not man I never knew you were like this I forgive you be Blessed” 

Yeah, it kinda hurt, I mean the initial blow but truth be told, I go years and years without EVER talking to her (our family is HIGHLY dysfunctional) so it really doesn’t faze me. I laughed and is STILL laughing because like I told her,

“I’m not here to judge NO one that’s not my place Only God can Judge, that’s NOT who I am. I’m not here to tear lives apart, I bring families together, ANYONE that KNOWS me, know that and they KNOW my heart. I’m used to being blamed….it’s conversations like this that I tread lightly and try to avoid because no matter what it goes wrong and I’m the bad guy. And correction it was Over 4 years ago that she contacted me, IF I was “malicious”, I would have mentioned it then. It wasn’t my business nor my story to tell, so I left it alone. This year has shown me that some wounds NEVER close and I’m perceived as Salt. Have a Great One, Love You Always! 😘”

I had NO reason to suspect that you lied to her about her father. None whatsoever! Besides, if there was NO secret to hide in the first place, we wouldn’t even be here….but again, ALL wrongdoers need SOMEONE to blame. Again…. I’m used to it…….I try to tell ya, “Ancestry is the BEST Soap Opera you will EVER watch!!”