Wait…I didn’t Say Hello

The Thanksgiving holiday somehow got me all in my feelings, reminiscing, and a journey of discovery and thankfulness. With that being said, there are so many voids in a person’s life, this is one that is super emotional. This has created the biggest hole in my heart. It has taken me five years to be able to share my discovery journey. Trust me, my curiosity for the truth has been a 20-year journey, but these last 5 years have been the most earth-shattering. I’ve been able to build my pedigree tree out to my 3rd and 4th Great-grandparents and a few 5th Great-grandparents on all sides. However, when it came to my Paternal side, I was forced to put a question mark in place of what would have been a Paternal Grandfather’s name.

The war with myself has been, what if someone gets mad at me? What if the other characters in my story do not necessarily approve of me telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth?! This story is more common in ALL families than we know or care about acknowledging. For THAT reason alone, my story HAS to be told, because up until now it has been encouraging, why stop now? Before I get into multiple stories, just know that the GOD I serve has a very keen funny sense of humor and everything comes back full circle, just pay attention.

CIRCA 2016

            At this time, I am a manager at a Bank. I have this customer come in and she is giving me ALL kinds of the blues about opening her business account. I remember seeing her business cards around town and to me, she was somewhat of a big deal to me. I didn’t let her attitude get to me because I knew that I was doing top-notch at my job and I low-key was excited to meet her in person. We’re gonna call her “Ms. Glamor Shots”.

CIRCA APRIL 2018

I am a Professional photographer and I get the privilege to take all kinds of photos around the Metro Area.  I was at this event hosted by the Zeta’s, and I was helping to set up some microphone cords and such. This young lady helps me pick up cords and such. I ABSOLUTELY love giving my family nicknames and I’ve unofficially become the Nickname Queen. I loved her persona and I named her “My Roadie”. The name grew on me and she will forever be “My Roadie”. I friended her on Facebook in July 2018.

DECEMBER 2018

            My husband and I did the Ancestry DNA. When your results come in, they just come in as a list of names and numerical centimorgans. Centimorgans is a unit for measuring genetic linkage, as I tell people, “It’s kinda like pounds, just the measure of how much DNA a person shares.” When I took a look at my list, I was trying to identify people that I knew and make sense of it from there.

As I scrolled my list, I came across a girl that looked IDENTICAL to “My Roadie”, the one that I had met 8 months earlier. On the list of cM (centimorgans), it listed us as “Close Matches, 2^nd cousins”. I’m trippin’ out at this time. I message her on Facebook and kinda explain my findings and tell her my who’s and why’s. I send her a screenshot of the profile and pic that I’m seeing on Ancestry,

she notified me that the girl in the photo is DEFINITELY her sister!!! BOOM!!!! No doubt, God has jokes, everything is divine. “My Roadie” from 8 months ago IS my cousin, Now the quest is to figure out HOW?!!! She lets me know that all she was ever told was her grandfather’s name is Gentry.

 I ask her all kinds of questions back to back, almost like an interrogation. I feel like I was bombarding “My Roadie” with waaaaayy too many questions about her dad that she doesn’t necessarily know the answer to.

I messaged her December 27, 2018…..No more responses…….

JANUARY 2019

I asked my FULL brother to do the DNA because I’m on a SERIOUS quest to figure out how I relate to “My Roadie”.

I needed him to take the DNA test because that Y-chromosome is gonna reign King EVERY time and because I’m looking for a Paternal match, he (Next to my father, who by the way has told me no to the DNA test) is going to be the BEST way to solve the puzzle.

AUGUST 2019

I couldn’t let this “case” die down; it’s been the ONLY thing I think of sun up to sun down since December of 2018. I Message “My Roadie”:

I let her know that I would be interested in meeting her father. She and I converse about the schools that our fathers attended and their upbringing. I ask about her father’s siblings and Crickets……No more responses.

MAY 2020

A NEW “2^nd Cousin” pops up on my DNA results. I’m FLOORED, yah hear me?!!! Like ok ok, I didn’t know if it could get any more complicated. I see, she’s young, lives in my city, and REALLY close to me centimorgan-wise. Well……., Ancestry and Facebook really go hand and hand…… (I’ll post a tutorial one day). I check out this girl (no I’m not stalking her, lol…..I call it curious, thats all) , I’m looking through her photos and BOOM!!! Her mother is……….”Ms. Glamor Shots” from the bank back in 2016. Small FREAKIN’ world!!!!! Ok, God, I see what you did there! Now I need to know HOW the heck are we kin?! So, we began conversing and we are on this wild goose chase going back and forth because I’ve told her I’m looking for a man by the last name Gentry. She informs me well, I must be on her Dad’s side of the family because she has never heard of those names.

AUGUST 2020

I reached out to “My Roadie” and ask for her father’s number. She gives me his number with a heads up that he’s private, I reciprocate that my dad is also very hurt and not super open to the idea of all of this. I called but no answer, left me on an emotional edge…….He called back and we spoke, I remember introducing myself and announcing my stance. I think we both just kinda let it be, I truly believe that it was on that day that I sparked his curiosity.

**The 27^th** …….. “Ms. Glamor Shots”’ daughter randomly hit me up to show me her top DNA matches, my Brother and I are on there.

SEPTEMBER 2020

            The 30^th to be exact!!! See I’m on Ancestry waaaayyy more than ANY social media. “Ms. Glamor Shots” happens to do the Ancestry DNA also, in Big Bold Headlines, it read THIS IS YOUR FIRST COUSIN!!!!

I couldn’t believe my eyes!!! GROUND breaking!!!! “Ms. Glamor Shots”’ daughter agreed that I WAS indeed a relative of her mother’s and obviously my dad was a “Secret Baby” because she knows all of her Great Aunts and Uncles. At this time, I’m STILL adamant that the Papi is Gentry, Smh……Listening to the story and not looking at the Science! **Pay attention to the Science NOT the BS story that you are being told, believe it or not, Parents and Grandmas lie** So she says yes it IS my mother’s side, BUT it HAS to be on HER father’s side. I explored and came up with some dead ends. Our communication Ended…….

OCTOBER 2020

I went to meet “My Roadie”’s father at Rosedale BBQ, he said it was his favorite spot. On the car ride there, I called my Favorite Ancestry Cousin Sherry for advice and to help calm me down, my nerves were all over the place. She has been the listening ear on this journey. My everyday phone call during COVID.

Our meeting was GREAT, I was hungry for answers and He was my CLOSEST thing to finding the truth about WHO my paternal grandfather REALLY was. The things I know thus far is “My Roadie” IS my first cousin, the only way to get a first cousin is that your parents MUST be siblings, half or full. So, with that being said, “My Roadie”’s father IS my dad’s half-brother. NOW WHO is their father?! The man who gave both of them life?! He gave me the name “Gentry” and I went on a Wild Hunt from there.

FEBRUARY 2021

I hadn’t spoken to “Ms. Glamor Shots”’ daughter since September of last year, 5 months ago. I STILL haven’t found my grandfather and I’m SOOOO close that I’m getting discouraged, but I’m still pushing. So, I hit her up and “Boldly” ask,

“What about your Great Grandpa Willie, will he do the DNA? Because one of your mother’s parents ARE my dad’s siblings, if it’s NOT your mom’s dad, then it has to be her mother.”

She responded

“Well he is 100 years old so I doubt my aunts and uncles will go for that if it’s going to conclude with drama and secrets being revealed. I don’t think that would turn out how you want it to.”

She also said

“I guess I never really asked what you want the outcome of this to be? Do you just want an answer or are you trying to get your dad to meet people? I just worry that it wouldn’t be a welcome “surprise” seeing as my great grandfather was allegedly extremely loyal or my great grandma until death. It would cause a lot of issues if that turned out to be how you’re actually connected”

No shade to any Man, but ALL men cheat and anything is possible, ESPECIALLY back in those days, men had two different families at the SAME time and most of the time, the wives knew about each other. The thing is, back in those times, what was the woman gonna do when she found out? Leave him? I doubt it! He’s the breadwinner, she’s the homemaker, she didn’t have too many options back then.

My response

“No, no real “outcome” so to speak I understand that some secrets will go to the grave. Was just looking for family on my Dad’s paternal side being that he never knew his father and I never met any of his family as a consequence. Just developing my tree. I know that there will be ALOT of unanswered questions and secrets revealed. I know that the TRUTH can be damaging to many families. My dad is hurt and doesn’t wanna know, I guess it’s more for me…..but the mystery is solved.  I’ll leave it alone, don’t wanna cause more headaches and heartbreaks.”

MARCH 2021

The more I tried to let “Sleeping Dogs Lie”, the more that new close cousins popped up on my DNA results. I have a cousin who informs me that Willie is her mother’s oldest brother and that’s how she and I are related!!!! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!! I have solved the puzzle!!! I didn’t even have to buy more vowels from Vanna White!!!! THREE YEARS LATER!!!!

I let “Glamor”’s daughter know and she tells me that the lady has the wrong information…..I’m back to questioning and scratching my head, kinda…..because when it comes to DNA Science and Family trees, I’m pretty cocky about my facts!!!  However, I do drill the cousin some more, just to be sure that she’s sure.

APRIL 2021

I have another close male cousin that I messaged back in March but he didn’t respond until just now. He told me straight up that Willie is his Great-Grandpa and that’s how we are related!!!! Ok, so now I’m practically in tears because this solidifies ALL of my harassment and research!!!

I reached back out to “Glamor”’s daughter to inform her that our cousin “E” has officially solved the puzzle for me. She still insists that her Great Grandpa Willie is an innocent man. I have my mind made up, I found a younger photo of Willie and put it side by side with my brother, the results are Uncanny!!!

I reached out and befriended “E”’s dad after “E” had confirmed our kinship. We spoke for a month and From here on out

MAY 2021

On the 25^th, “E”’s dad messaged me and told me that “Grandpa passed last night”. When I tell you, those are NOT the words that I wanted to hear, THOSE ARE NOT THE WORDS I WANTED TO HEAR! Man……I’m flooded with emotions, I can’t believe I’ve done ALL this work just to let my fear of meeting him get in the way. I swear, I will never forgive myself. I tell myself that yes GOD has the ultimate say so, it was ALL in his plan, however, I still can’t get a do-over, a second chance to just touch his hand.

So, here’s the part that sucks….. I knew about the funeral because of E’s dad, however, THEY (Willie’s Kids and grandkids), didn’t know about me and I didn’t want to be that one story of how we met this girl at the funeral…….I didn’t want that to be a part of my journey. I just hate that I was given his name back in 2020 and yet I wasn’t aggressive enough to push through. I mean, I had a WHOLE year!!!! Again, I know…. “Only In God’s Time”……

But “Wait…..I Didn’t Say Hello”……

JULY 2021

I see “Ms. Glamor Shots” for the first time in literal years!!!

We were at the Power and Light and I let her know that I was her First cousin. (Remind you, that ALL this time I was conversing with her daughter, she had NO CLUE that it was me that her daughter was referring to). She told me that I should have come to the funeral and I told her it was best that I didn’t although I really wanted to. (In Hindsight, I regret it to this day) It was then that I told her, that we have another cousin here tonight, “My Roadie”.  

It was the perfect opportunity that GOD had made.

I texted Glamor the next morning and made it clear that I would like to meet her mother, my Aunt.

AUGUST 2021

Willie’s DNA pops up as a Match, 100% GRANDFATHER!!!!!!

After this is confirmed AGAIN, I let Glamor know that “I would love to meet your family, or at least have a convo”.  I was denied again. She replied, “ Well that will take some time. They are a little upset by the thought of it (Infidelity), Everyone is still morning [Mourning]. It’s not the time.”

Now at the time, YES, I was an emotional wreck. Mad, sad, angry, disappointed, confused, happy, confused, understanding, upset, confused……just everything, every emotion that they taught you in preschool….I was SUPER grateful for WHOEVER had Willie do the DNA before he passed, that was CLUTCH!!!!.

OCTOBER 2022

I took a pic with Glamor’s mama at an event that I was photographing. The Irony, I knew that it was my Auntie, but she didn’t know who I was…. I was actually scared to approach her, but I’m glad I did.

My brother and I met a few of our first cousins for the first time.

NOVEMBER 2022

I meet the whole family and have Thanksgiving with them.

JANUARY 2023

“My Roadie”’s Dad met his brother for the first time. I went also for moral support. It was a beautiful thing.

The family arranged for everyone to meet “My Roadie’s” dad. Through stories, it came out that Willie must have always known that “My Roadie’s” dad was his son. I often wonder, did Willie know that my dad was his son also??

THE YEAR OF 2023

I personally have not hung out with the new family as much as I would like to have. Getting closer, was my sincere goal. I do text a few of them more than the others. I LOVE the Aunts and Uncles, they are priceless. This 5-year heartache and emotional rollercoaster of a Journey has been totally worth it all. “My Roadie’s” dad has been inseparable from his brother since the day they met in January. It’s happy endings like that that bring tears to my eyes and make it ALL worthwhile. I can FINALLY fill out my pedigree chart without having to put an “X” for my paternal Grandfather. I will say that my “New” family IS the definition of FAMILY! They pull up at the drop of a dime, support each other, LOVE each other, it’s really Dope to witness and to know that this is MY blood. I’m SOOO happy that everything turned out the way it did.

#GodIsDope